I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
