What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
