I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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