my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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