i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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