She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize