ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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