my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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