I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
