am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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