Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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