Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
