How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize