I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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