I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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