I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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