I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
