Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
