i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
