This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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