I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
