your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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