man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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