Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
