If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
