So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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