i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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