I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
