singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
