I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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