Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
