I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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