he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
