Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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