who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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