yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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