I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
