very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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