Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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