This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
