I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
