we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
