when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
