fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
