The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
