So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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