I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
