i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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