There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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