u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
