just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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