dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I did not marry a roomba.
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