atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
