Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
