My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
