Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
