This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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