apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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