My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm like, not good at living.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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