I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
only if we run a train.
done.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
