fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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