There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
