We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You are the jesus of drinking
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
