i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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