The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
