Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
