You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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