I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
