I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
