it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
