There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
