toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
