My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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