Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
