Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
