She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
