Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
