May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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